How to Make Green Eggs (a.k.a. Dinosaur Food)

or, One Weird Trick to Get Your Children to Eat a Full Portion of Spinach Every Morning

STEP 1: Go get two still-warm eggs from the coop and say thank you to the ladies.

Just kidding, store-bought eggs are fine, anon. You’ll get to this level someday.

STEP 2: Assemble ingredients:

  • 2 eggs

  • 1 ripest banana you have

  • as much spinach as you can pack in

I use a Magic Bullet blender, but one makes do with what one has at hand.

While prepping heat oil or butter in a suitably large and cover-able pan.

STEP 3: ALCHEMIZE

STEP 4: Pour batter into hot pan and cover for, like, three (3) minutes while potchkying around doing the 25 other little things entailed in sitting toddlers down for breakfast.

STEP 5: Uncover and ensure the top looks like it has begun to cook. Then do your best to flip it over. I decided to intentionally destroy this one while flipping it in order to portray this process for the internet with gritty realism, obviously.

Cook for maybe 1 more minute.

STEP 6: Plate and serve!

Don’t worry, anon. Your pathetic flip job doesn’t matter because you need to cut this up into bite size pieces for cooling purposes.

Pairs wonderfully with “Milk Tea,” another Tiger House recipe (milk, cinnamon, splash of hot water)

As you can see, we achieved 100% completion here. I have eaten this myself. It’s really good. It tastes like an extremely fluffy pancake that has syrup, like, infused into it. There is nothing spinachy about it, not that that would be bad.

Here’s what a perfect one looks like:

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“The Temple of Man” by R.A. Schwaller de Lubicz, 1957